It’s summer. Exams are over. The sun is shining. Time for a
laugh. Here are some jokes about epidemiologists[1].
The last joke is one of my favourites which I heard many years ago and which I
told to a Spanish audience of nutritional epidemiologists (University of
Navarra)
Þ Did you hear about the
statistician who had his head in an oven and his feet in a bucket of ice? When
asked how he felt, he replied, "On the average I feel just fine.
Þ When she told me I was
average, she was just being mean.
Þ What did the Box Plot
say to the outlier? "Don't you dare get close to my whisker”.
Þ I'm not an outlier; I
just haven't found my distribution yet.
Þ Two unbiased
estimators were sitting in a bar. The first says, "So how do you like
married life?" The other replies, "It's pretty good if you don't mind
giving up that one degree of freedom!"
Þ A statistician's wife
had twins. He was delighted. He rang the minister who was also delighted.
"Bring them to church on Sunday and we'll baptize them," said the minister.
"No," replied the statistician. "Baptize one. We'll keep the
other as a control."
Þ What does a
statistician call it when the heads of 10 rats are cut off and 1 survives?
Nonsignificant.
Þ There is a group of
five statisticians on a train. At the next stop, five epidemiologists get on.
They all seemed to know each other and started chatting. It transpired that each
of the epidemiologists had bought a ticket, but the statisticians had only
bought one between the five of them. "Why did you do that?" asks one
of the epidemiologists. "Surely you're going to get caught and be asked to
leave the train". "Just wait and see!", smiled one of the
statisticians. As the ticket inspector was approaching to check everyone's
tickets, the statisticians went off to the nearest toilet -the inspector passes
the epidemiologists and inspects all their tickets then moves on and notices
that the toilet is locked. "Tickets please!" shouts the inspector.
One of the statisticians pushes their ticket under the toilet door, which the
inspector checks and returns under the door. Once the inspector has gone, all
the statisticians return to their seats to the awe and amazement of the
epidemiologists. "That's incredibly clever!" says one of the
epidemiologists. A few weeks later they all find themselves on the same train
again. They sit together and start chatting once more. "We've done what
you suggested", says one of the epidemiologists, "and just bought one
ticket between the five of us!". "Oh really", says one of the
statisticians, "we haven't bought ANY tickets this time!". The
epidemiologists look at each other in amazement. "OK, one ticket between
you is fine but not buying any at all is ludicrous! " As the ticket
inspector approaches the epidemiologists hurry off to the toilet. Once they're
inside the statisticians follow them. "Tickets please! " shouts one
of the statisticians. The ticket appears under the door and they take it away
and all bundle into a different toilet. The inspector gets to the toilet with
the epidemiologists in it. "Tickets please!" he shouts. No reply.
"Tickets please!". The epidemiologists admit defeat and come out of
the toilet only to be thrown off at the next station. The moral of this story: Epidemiologists should not attempt to use
statistical methods they do not fully understand.
[1] I acknowledge http://www.maths.usyd.edu.au/u/jchan/Statistic_joke.pdf (Maths @ University of Sydney: I got my PhD at Sydney University Vet
School 1976 ~ ancient)for the source of these jokes.
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